The 'I Love You Note'
by cordeliaflowers
Summary: Written after S3/E9 of Anne with an E aired in Canada; uses the note Anne penned to Gilbert spelling out her true feelings as a jumping off point and is set over the course of Anne's first year at Queen's Academy.
1. Chapter 1

Queen's Academy was everything Anne dreamed it would be. The absurdity of an orphan, once destitute and alone in all ways humanly possible, officially pursuing higher education with her friends by her side and her family in her corner was simply too much to fathom. Some days she thought her heart might burst at the impossibility and divine providence of it all!

Not all of her friends were by her side, mind you. Diana wasn't there; she was in Paris. Her parents, furious after her act of subterfuge in taking the entrance exams without permission, had shipped her off to "greener pastures" much sooner than expected. Diana wasn't the only friend a million miles away. Gilbert, someone Anne had once counted among her nearest and dearest, was also attending Queen's however their childhood repartee and adolescent intimacy was a thing of the past. They were civil to one another, sure, but things were very different between then. There was no depth to the words they exchanged, and he never looked at her, not in the way used to. An outside observer might even think they hadn't been introduced for all of the distance and ambivalence in their relationship at school.

They'd all expected Gilbert to return from Charlottetown that August with good news of his pending nuptials to Winnifred. He was the first of their group to propose which made him a pioneer of sorts - charting new territory and, they hoped, reporting back his findings! But Gilbert had been altogether quiet on the subject and his Avonlea peers didn't know what to make of it exactly. He neither confirmed nor denied the engagement, he simply offered no commentary whatsoever. Ruby and Tilly knew that if anyone could drag it out of him it would be Anne, however they quickly learned she was was entirely unwilling. Adamantly and uncharacteristically so, as she'd asked Gilbert all sorts of ridiculous things when pressured in the past, like where babies came from and whether he'd had a crush on Ruby. They assumed Anne jealously was behind her refusal, and agreed to give her the space to work it through in her own time.

As for Anne, she had arrived at College quite determined not to let Gilbert's rejection bring her down. She was almost certain he'd read her note last summer and when she saw Bash's face at the door when she'd come to speak with him she knew it was true. Bash's expression spoke volumes. He didn't love her.

It had taken some some but she'd come to understand that it wasn't meant to be. Fate had different plans for her, and she wouldn't waste Queen's on a broken heart. Her college experience would be rich with poetry and debate and long walks down the lane with her girlfriends. Everything a college experience ought to be! Besides, unrequited love was said to be more romantic than requited love and so she had that.

Gilbert had made some new friends in the faculty of science early on and he seemed not to have time for the old Avonlea gang anymore.

"There's Gilbert!" Ruby would often say, pointing across campus (old habits die hard).

"Fraternizing with John, Paul, and Lewis no doubt. Those boys are always together. I think they must be joined at the hip," Josie would reply snarkily.

"And Christine," Tilly would add, noting the raven haired lass who seemed as comfortable in their group as anyone.

"Gilbert! Gilbert! Come over here. Some of us are heading to the park by the lake for a picnic tomorrow afternoon if you'd like to join. Charlee'll be there, and Moody I think," Ruby would offer.

"Thanks for the invitation, Ruby, but I have other plans. Good day," he would said, nodding to Ruby. "Josie," nodding again. And after the briefest of pauses, "Anne," bowing his head and averting his eyes, and then he would was off.

This scene repeated itself enough times that even Ruby grew tired, and so the gang stopped inviting Gilbert and generally saw less and less of him.

Fall moved along at a steady clip. Anne was pleasantly busy and diverted. She balanced classes and clubs and school work, and of course the odd social engagement. She remembers hours upon hours of reading and writing and more reading and more writing. In short, it was heaven.

Christmas brought a welcome visit with Matthew and Marilla. They devoured many festive cakes and cookies, and shared oh-so-many stories amongst them. It was quiet and comfortable and just to break Anne needed.

January, on the other hand, was fraught. With mid-term exams and all things academic coming due, Anne was overwhelmed but as determined as every to persevere. And she did. Anne passed her first term at Queen's with straight A's and earned the highest marks in all of her English and humanities courses.

It was only in February when things slowed down a little that Anne began to notice Gilbert again. She'd been so focused on not letting her hurt feelings hold her back that she'd gone out of her way to avoid and ignore him for months. Not out of spite, but rather self-protection. But something shifted the day the mid-term results came in. Anne observed Gilbert beaming, having earned top marks in all of his science and math courses. Shaking hands with his friends and patting them on the back, she could tell that he was proud of his accomplishments and she was glad for him. She wished him every success and happiness. She almost thought he saw her looking at him that day outside the Dean's office and maybe he even smiled a little, although she couldn't be sure.

The second semester chugged along with little to distinguish it except a lot of hard work. After finals in May, Anne was relieved to be heading home to Avonlea for the summer. She would help Matthew on the farm where she could, and tend to Green Gables as Marilla's eyesight had deteriorated and she suffered the most terrible headaches. She had just settled on Wednesday for her train travel home when an invitation arrived from the office of the Dean. She opened it to discover that her presence was requested on Wednesday at a special afternoon tea hosted by the Dean's wife. "I suppose I'll have to delay my travel," Anne said to herself tucking the note card in her desk and not thinking much of it.


	2. Chapter 2

The day of the tea, Anne dressed for the occasion. She chose a cream coloured blouse which she tucked into her floor length emerald green shirt. She tied her hair up by half and secured it with an antique comb of Marilla's. Not being able to stop herself, she plucked a few stems of babies breath from the vase in her room and tucked them into her hair, just behind her right ear. Depending on the light, it could be argued that Anne's hair was a shade darker than in had once been (wishful thinking, perhaps). The finishing touch: the locket she shared with Diana, her bosom friend on the other side of the ocean.

Anne arrived at the hall and was seated according to the chart in the parlour. It was a small room with spots for no more than about thirty guests and it was decorated with the most beautiful and fragrant flowers. Anne was enthralled by the delicate patterns hand-painted on the tea cups and saucers that she barely noticed when a gentleman sat down beside her.

"My apologies," she said a few moments later, sensing his presence but still taken by the china. "My name is Anne Shir ...:" She looked up and low and behold it was Gilbert.

"Hello, Anne," he said, smiling politely.

Anne froze. Not knowing what to do and suddenly overcome with a tidal wave of nervous energy, she stood up and froze again. Standing there, staring straight ahead, she realized the ridiculousness of her position and so she sat back down. She took a careful and steady breath and turned to Gilbert.

"Hello, Gilbert. It's so nice to see you here, unexpectedly. I have been admiring the fine table settings. Aren't the flowers beautiful? What do you suppose they are, lilies? I love lilies. There was this tiny patch of lilies outside of the orphanage that I used to sing to from the foggy window in my room. Do you like lillies? I remember you carried some at Mary's funeral. I'm so sorry, I shouldn't have mentioned Mary. Not now, not here. It's just that when I'm nervous and I get to talking, I simply can't control what comes out of my …

"It's fine," said Gilbert, interrupting. He smiled again, but this time it was a real smile. The kind where his eyes sparkle and his mouth flips up and over in that quirky and inviting way she remembered. Anne relaxed, and the two old friends got to talking. It wasn't like it used to be - open hearted and full of energy, debate, and encouragement - but it was genuine, each of the young scholars keen to hear about the ups and downs of the other's year past. It was nice.

The presentation began and the room quieted. There were many remarks from several distinguished College fellows and the Dean himself so the speaking carried on a while. As she listened, Anne became increasingly aware of Gilbert's presence. She reflected on how close he was to her, physically. Only a few inches away, really. It got so that she simply couldn't think of anything else. She started to sweat a little, and her breathing accelerated. There was a moment of laughter, presumably the speaker made a joke, and Anne took advantage of the diversion to choose a new point of focus. But what? A ha! A cup of tea. She reached for the teapot on the table and poured herself a cup, adding a cube of sugar.

Looking to finish the job, she reached a little further for the milk when she felt a jolt of electricity! Gilbert, endeavouring to assist, had also reached for the milk and their hands had touched. Startled by the shock of it, Anne drew her hand away quickly, accidentally knocking over her cup and spilling tea all of her ivory blouse. She hardly noticed, though. So many feelings were rushing through her body, coursing through her veins. Everything she'd felt for Gilbert last summer came rushing back and, overwhelmed, she was unable to stop it. Feeling tears coming on, she ran from the table, through the parlor, and out the door.

Gilbert chased after her. "Anne, Anne, wait!."

"Why didn't you acknowledge my note? Why did you just leave me hanging without a response? How could you do that to me? I thought we were friends!"

Gilbert looked stunned. "What note?"

"What note? You've got to be kidding me! How many notes do you get on an average summer day? How many notes have I written you? Or, I should say, how many notes have I written you in which I bear my soul?"

"Bear your soul?"

"The note, GIlbert! The 'I Love You Note'! How many notes are you reading that you forget an 'I Love You Note'?"

"An 'I Love You Note'?, asked Gilbert slowly, really puzzling out what she was telling him. After a short pause, he said: "I didn't receive your note, Anne. I'm very sorry for this."

"It doesn't matter. I know you don't love me. You love Winnifred maybe, or perhaps it's your work you love. Maybe there's someone new in your life?"

Another pause. In the blink of an eye, Anne was off and away and Gilbert was left standing there stunned.


	3. Chapter 3

Gilbert was a careful man, not prone to spontaneity. He preferred to take his time and thoughtfully and carefully consider his words and actions before committing. He liked considering, and reconsidering; he almost delighted in it.

It had taken him longer than he'd like to admit to realize his true feelings for Anne last spring. Yet, not immune to crush of heartbreak, he had been quick to interpret her bumbled comments by the fire's side that night after the entrance examinations as a rejection, and even quicker to set a new course for the future, leaving her and his feelings behind him. It never occurred to him that he'd misinterpreted her. Not once. Not even for a moment. And yet, if he understood her, there'd been an 'I Love You Note.'

"Is that what she said?" he asked aloud. He couldn't be sure but it was possible, it was possible that she loved him. He knew what to do. He would not take his time. He would not thoughtfully and carefully consider. He would act. Now.

…

Anne ran. She ran down the lane and over the bridge, past the bakery and through the cemetery. She ran for miles and miles, sweating and gasping for breath. The whole episode had caught her entirely off guard. Yet, she wasn't embarrassed or ashamed. Her emotions were a part of her, an important part - as important as her intellect and her compassion, her integrity and her compassion. She stood behind the tears she'd shed and the anger she'd directed at Gilbert. They were true, and she wouldn't feel badly or silly for showing her true self.

She slowed to a walk and then to a stroll and, after a while, she realized she'd wandered quite far from home. She stopped, took a breath, and turned around. It was hours before she arrived at the front door of the Chown Hall dormitory and it took what seems like hours to climb the flight of stairs leading to her room on the third floor.

She put the key in the door and turned the handle. Stepping inside, she spotted a note on the hardwood floor. Someone must have pushed it under the door. She bent down and picked it up:

"Anne,

I love you. I'm sorry that it's taken me so long to tell you.

Yours now and always,

Gilbert

P.S. I've carried your pen in my pocket each and every day since you gave it to me. May this be the first of many 'I Love You' notes that I write to you with this pen."


End file.
